I don't get it...

Justin and I got into a huge fight...somehow, him joining the military was brought up (and NOT by me)...he went on and on about how we wouldn't mind dying out there because it would be heroic. Wait wait wait...how so? I really don't get it...what does it matter if you die out on the field, or in your sleep after coming home? Isn't it about how you lived, not how you died? That's what it should be...

Then he said something that really hit me.
"Most people die and most people don't care, because they did nothing". That's not true. Just because someone wasn't out fighting in a war, or something similar, doesn't mean their life and death went unnoticed. Monday, the 10th, a good friend of mine passed away. He was like an uncle, even a second father to me. While he never fought in a war, he still changed many lives, including mine. For without him, I would have lost a lot of important lessons and such in my life. He was a friend, a father figure, someone to joke with, or someone to sit down and have a serious conversation with. Many people were at his funeral yesterday, many friends as well as family. I know no one who thought ill of him, because he was a great man, a great father, a great friend. I don't understand how he can think his death would be unnoticed because he never went out fighting or something like that.

Someone...please explain this to me?

*End of rant*

Well You might not like this that I have to say and yet again it might bring you closer to the frame of mind Justin might be in.

From the old forum everyone here should know that I have spent 6 years active duty army I have been deployed to 6 different conflicts( bosnia/kosovo, africa, and Iraq)

Now I am Infantry and for those who dont know what that is I was trained to close in with the enemy and kill him/her without mercy for the betterment of USA occupation.

When I first joined it was to make myself a better man, I had gotten a girl pregnant and to better our situation and with the job market where I lived dwindling I had to make a choice. Now as I got more involved with military culture as well as with my own knowledge and upbringing by my military grandfather I became prideful. Thinking already life sucked what and with my own fear of being forgotten I became the Psycho on the battlefield. I was the one that always put myself in those situations in combat where i was in between the bullets and my men. I have many military awards packets signed by Colonels to describe these actions should you ever want to read them.

I got out of active duty in 07 as I had a change of heart and wanted to watch my kids grow up, but I missed the army and missed my kids the conflict continued until I chose to go national Guard to compromise with myself, 2 loves with no room.

Now about the dying part.... NO ONE WANTS TO BE FORGOTTEN.

That is everyones worse fear in life expecially when you feel like you have failed on some cosmic plain to achieve some sort of greatness.

Justin is depressed, he feels maybe as if he has failed you and the way he deals with it is by fighting or arguing with you.....I did it, right before I deployed I would fight with my ex-wife (wife at the time) so bad that she would hate me just so I know that if I died or something dreadful happened she could move on with no regrets. (this was not the cause of our divorce though..the man nights she spent alone was so she found a new fun thing to do ...drugs and other men)

He just needs support...maybe you are anti military, and if you are....... becomeing a military spouse is not the way for you to go, because it will only drive you and justin further away. You have to be in it for the long haul and be very supportive and understand that many nights you will go to bed with no one by your side.

You need to know what you want if Justin joining the military is tearing you away from him maybe it is time to hang up the white flag and move on...but if you feel that him joining the military is a good thing then be there to support him....


but if it is in his head to join let the man achieve his own personal greatness....let him feel he has done something significant in his life, wether he joins or not lives or dies, remember to always remember the good things and move from there

I don't think you understand what exactly I'm saying.

I'm not mad that he's joining the military, not anymore. I'm scared, of course. Who wouldn't be? And thankfully he's put it off for a while so we have time for us beforehand.

What is bugging me is that he THINKS he will be forgotten...I would never forget him, no one that knows him would ever forget him. What I'm saying, is he doesn't have to go out and fight in a war to be remembered, to be a great man, to be loved. I completely understand that he doesn't want to ever be forgotten. I don't either. No one does, like you said. If he wants to join the military, that's fine, I support him. I won't fight him on it, because I know that's what he wants, and I can either be with him while he does it, or he'll just do it without me.

All I'm trying to say is that no one has to be fighting out in a war to be remembered. Like I said, my friend James, he wasn't out fighting in a war, but he STILL made a difference in so many people's lives.

It's not what you die doing, it's what you lived for...is basically my point. If you lived a life just as a good friend, or as a mother, or a soldier...you will still make a difference in people's lives. I just guess it's hard for people to understand that. My father never fought in a war, but I still look up to him. He's a great man, and I love him dearly, and I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't in my life. HE made a difference, Justin makes a difference...etc. etc.

I fully understand what you were saying but I was elaborating on the fact that he may feel like he hasnt done anything and his escape is through visualizing death on a battlefield

Quote :

Justin is depressed, he feels maybe as if he has failed you and the way he deals with it

Quote :

That is everyones worse fear in life expecially when you feel like you have failed on some cosmic plain to achieve some sort of greatness.

It is a frame of mind,

Guess I just misunderstood you. Sorry! And thanks. I sure hope he gets over this though. I hate it when he sits here and talks to me about how he wants to die...like I want to really hear that.